Down on Myself

A friend at work had to put her dog in the cone of shame. Well I've felt like I've been in the cone of shame since last Friday evening. That's when I found out I made a stupid mistake on my job and had to try to fix it on Saturday. I fixed it but I have been kicking myself since then. Now tonight my daughter wants to lose her mind so that's irritating me as well. Not to mention that my eye doctor keeps talking to me about glaucoma. I don't want to lose my eyesight so I hope we can get this handled as soon as possible. So I'm down on myself! I've been here plenty of times before so I know I can shake it but it's gonna take a few days. I really need to spend much more time in the bible and praying. I know that will help me cause it always does and many times I'm in the funk because I haven't been spending the time I should. So I'm gonna get off here right now and go read and pray!

Oh How Long Between the Postings

So, I tried again with the NANO Write in November 2011 and I didn't finish but it's fun and it gets me to write a little more than I normally do. I lack motivation even though once I get going I don't want to stop. I use the excuse that my life gets in the way but somehow, I know it's not so much the outward distractions as the inward ones. I'm my own worst enemy...isn't that what Whitney Houston said. And why is it that we are our own worst enemy. Don't we like ourselves. I feel like I like me...I guess I don't know that for sure. I'm a likable person. I get along with most everyone...I have my struggles at times but hey, that's human right? One of my biggest issues is procrastination...but wait...as I think about this...my biggest distraction is lack of sleep. Since my husband was diagnosed with and operated on for brain cancer...I have not had a lot of concentrated sleep...when he was at his worse I hardly slept at all. Now that he's much better and on the mend...CANCER FREE... and all that good stuff...five years later I still can't seem to get a good night's sleep! What the what? I have had lots of people giving me lots of advice about what I need to do to be able to sleep from sleeping pills to separate bedrooms. None of these remedies interest me. And it's not that I can't get to sleep because I do, but I sleep so lightly that just about anything, including my husband getting to bed anywhere from midnight to 3 am in the morning always wakes me up and then I can't seem to just fall back to sleep. My doctor told me to do this thing where I literally tell each part of my body from head to toe to go to sleep. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I also find that when I wear socks and can keep them on my feet (I usually kick them off halfway through the night), I notice that I can usually stay asleep longer. I just can't seem to keep the socks on for the whole night. My daughter tells me I don't think about myself enough...that I'm always worrying and doing for others and don't do for myself. I didn't think I was that bad but maybe I am. I do things for myself but I'm a giver at heart so doing and giving to others just makes more sense to me. There are times when I want to be more selfish and self centered and then something happens where I really can't be that person so I figure why even bother. There are also times when I think maybe because of my birth order...5 of 7...somehow it has caused me to be the person I am. Sort of a pleaser I guess...one of those kids who is called a goodie two shoes...a suck up...following all the rules...trying to do the right thing...not thang...so that I can get the love and attention I need. Well, this isn't what I signed on to talk about, but that's where the conversation is going. Yes conversation cause I think even if no one else reads this, I'm talking to me...you talking to me...yes I'm talking to me! I make myself laugh talking like that but it's okay if I can't laugh at myself then who will! Did that comment make any sense? Okay, I can see that I'm getting tired...maybe there's something to this writing on a blog for me...maybe it'll make me just sleepy enough to get a good night's sleep tonight...I'll let you know...thanks for reading! By the way, I thought I had lost all this but I had just forgotten to push publish post...